I understand your fear of gaining weight, I do. I get that it feels like you’re ‘out of control’ or that you’re somehow a failure, unworthy, doing something wrong, insert ‘not good enough feeling here’. I get it.
I get that it feels like gaining weight is the most terrifying thing you could think of. Sure, we all know being murdered is probably worse, but given our chances of being murdered and our seemingly daily war with weight, the latter is more of an immediate ‘threat’ and therefore, the most terrifying to us.
We’re deeply concerned with fitting in, with being pleasing to others, with not being judged or ridiculed, with being seen as successful and acceptable. Because of our collective decision to agree that the size and shapes of our bodies are what equal health, success and happiness, being anything less than what we agree is ‘ideal’ makes us feel like we and our bodies are wrong.
We delude ourselves in to thinking that body manipulation is easy and healthy, and along the way we convince ourselves that by always striving to look a certain way, denying our body’s needs, that we’re doing something good. We’re playing by the rules and the rules feel safe.
Aside from my understanding and accepting that we, ultimately, are not at all in control of our bodies and they will do what they need to do despite our intentions to shrink them until we basically disappear, I eventually came to realize that everyone was equally as miserable as I was when it came to food and weight. I realized that we were all suffering in silence, all hating ourselves, all consumed with thoughts of our bodies and our ‘not enoughness’ and that it just didn’t need to be that way.
If you’re struggling with gaining weight as a result of abandoning diet culture in an effort to have more peace, joy and freedom in your life as well as a purpose that has more value outside of the shape of your body, I urge you to focus on the greater good and reflect on where your beliefs about bodies are coming from.
Consider that regardless of our current size, whether they’re more ‘socially acceptable’ (something we need to change, by the way) or not, we are all feeling some degree of the same pain. Our judgement of different sized bodies not only makes those with those bodies feel pain, but it also makes you feel pain. You suffer when you make others suffer. It may look slightly different, but I can assure you that there is a collective suffering.
Consider, just for a moment, that perhaps what you do to others, you do to yourself... and subsequently what you do to yourself, you do to others.
Judge yourself for gaining weight? You’re judging others as well. Love and accept yourself as you are, without placing value on thinness or fitness, and you will stop placing that value on others and you will love and accept them as well. Just as they are. Show compassion for yourself? You’ll show others the same compassion.
When we make it safe for everyone to be as they are, we make it safe for ourselves. We end the suffering.
So what if you gained weight? So what if anyone gained weight? What does it mean if we take away the negativity of it and just see it as weight? As something inconsequential to anything?
How would that impact the greater good?
Consider it. Just for a second.
Disclaimer: I am not a therapist or medical professional. This is not meant to diagnose, treat or cure any illnesses and should not be seen as a substitute for professional help or delay you in seeking treatment. I share my experiences here in hopes of helping others, but I absolutely encourage you to seek professional help for your struggles.