How many times have you been told or told someone else ‘I hate you. Look at how you eat and don’t ‘exercise’ and how thin you are. It’s not fair.’ Or ‘I hate you for being able to eat like that and stay that size.’ Or something along those lines? I’ve both said it and had it said to me countless times.
I’ve had people larger than me say they hate me because I eat more than them or ‘worse’ than them or exercise less than they do but I’m so much smaller. I’ve had people smaller than me say they hate me because they wish they could eat like me, maintain my weight and be happy with my weight. I’ve had people my size tell me they hate me because I’m the same weight as them but eat more/exercise differently, don’t follow food rules, etc. I’ve had people hate me for being skinny when I was skinny without them knowing how utterly miserable I was. I’ve had people call me a ‘skinny bitch’ because of how I ate and maintained a smaller size. As if my body size makes me a bitch. As if my body size is a reason to hate me. Hate me for my personality/who I am, sure, but my body? That is not a reason to hate someone and it speaks directly to how we view bodies, including our own.
It makes me sad.
A body size is not a marker of health or something to be jealous of. A way of eating is not a marker of health or something to be jealous of. Hating someone for how their body looks or how they eat is ludicrous.
I could say I hate you because you’ve never had your stomach rip open and cause you agonizing pain to the point that you quite literally wished for the relief of death… and then the surgery and health issues that accompanied that. I could say I hate you because you never almost died from severe pneumonia which permanently made your lungs struggle in even remotely humid and hot weather, making every summer kind of miserable for you. I could hate you because you still have your dad and the pain of losing mine will never, ever go away. I could hate you because you’ve never had a miscarriage. I could hate you because you have kids and I don’t yet. But I don’t. Because that would be insane.
I’ve had people want to be my size, and I’ve had people disgusted with my size. I’ve had someone say to me that if they were ever my size, they would never be able to get out of bed in the morning because they would be so depressed, hate themselves and be ashamed. I’ve had people suggest that I could *just* alter how I ate, move a little more and lose a few pounds.
It makes me sad.
My heart weeps for the people who can’t let themselves be. It weeps for the society that treats people in different body sizes differently. It weeps for every single person who feels hatred or disgust toward another human being because of their appearance, because that is a direct reflection of how they view themselves, and the sheer terror of others viewing them in that same way.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. We don’t have to hate one another for their bodies. We can change how we view and therefore treat one another. It can be done. We can accept and love people in all body shapes and sizes, and we can learn to discard our judgments and preconceived notions of what their life is like and who they are based on appearance. We don’t have to live in fear of being judged, we don’t have to restrict or punish or torture ourselves to try and be something or look like something we simply aren’t, if we all just stop doing it to each other. Refuse to contribute to the stigma, to the false beliefs about weight, health, food and worth.
There’s already so, so much hate in this world. Do we really need to hate people for this, too?